One of the Many Reasons My Job Rocks

There's more than what meets the eye. Srsly.

This is the view I had from the front desk at my job on Tuesday when my boss asked me to cover someone’s shift. I know you’re wondering, why am I looking at this picture? To that I say, ask not what is in the picture but what is not in the picture. See, on Tuesday, the writing center had little to no action (like your mom!) and someone had a brilliant idea on how to spend it.

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Where Babies Come From

For the record, I’ve never actually heard any children ask about where babies come from. I don’t think (and this might just be me) that when you are five or six, that that sort of information has any value to you. (Conversely, it values tremendously whether Santa will consider it stealing if you take a “loose” shiny penny on the floor of your parents’ bedroom.) (He does not consider it stealing because he is a firm believer in “finders, keepers.”) Funny thing, by the time you are old enough to know the truth (which we will get to in a minute), you probably wish you didn’t know the truth.

Now, growing up, we must have heard it all. Here are a list of my least favorite explanations (or beginnings of explanations) and my responses to them. So…

Q: Where do babies come from?

A: “When a man and a woman love each other…” Nice try, Mom and Dad. If making babies in fact required a man and a woman who loved each other, the human race would have been extinct a long time ago. And I mean a long time ago. I mean, remember Adam and Eve? You think Adam slept with her out of love after she got them both banished from the Garden of Eden? Not buying it, guys. Plus, love is not so much required as boredom and a length of 8-11… minutes in free time. (There’s a penis joke in there, you know there is!)

Adam: That green really brings out the color in your eyes. Eve: I don't know, I really want what that serpent was wearing, possibly as something to wear on my feet.

A: From a cabbage patch. Thanks to your persistence, Mom and Dad, in cultivating diligence in me through the care of vegetable gardens, I actually know what’s down there. You wanna know what’s down there? Dirt. And worms. And all kinds of crawlies that will make you squirm just to name. Babies don’t come from there. The only good that come from cabbage patches are cabbages, and I’m not even sure those are as good as I claim.

Don't you let these pictures convince you! This is NOT where babies come from.

And finally, the most popular and beloved…

A: From the stork.

Luckily, the stork did not decide to raise the baby himself, even though apparently storks make very good parents, which I am starting to doubt because what half-decent parent will dump a baby on another person for, oh, forever? (I guess maybe he wasn’t ready to be a parent?)   Plus there’s a serious problem to this answer: Where the heck did the stork get the baby to begin with? How is he feeding these babies? And more importantly, how well does his job pay? I am always open to a change of careers and pretty much everything these days pays better than a teaching job *sad laughter*.

Here we see the stork using the cover of darkness to his baby-kidnapping advantage.

Of course, none of these explanations do the truth any amount of justice. This is why I feel it is my duty to inform you of where babies really come from.

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A Med Student’s Dilemma: For Doctors-to-Be and Patients

I was on Facebook earlier, feeling rather like a failure because nearly all of my friends seem to have decided to become doctors (WTF guys? Kidding.) (Not really. Only slightly.) or at least my news feed was filled with med school related updates. There was one that caught my attention, and I think this is something that both doctors-to-be and patients-to-be can think about.

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LDR Irk#1

When my boyfriend and I were deciding on whether to go on this LDR, or long-distance relationship, my friends (I don’t know about his) generally thought that it would be a bad idea. That’s what people say, right, LDRs are just doomed to fail. In our case, there really was no chance it would work: we’d be 5 timezones apart and we’d both be really too busy to keep in touch.

Well, here we are, 6 months into our LDR, and I thought I would share one of its irks.

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Gov. Chris Christie is trying to lose weight.

At least that’s what they said on the news.

Quite frankly, I am not sure how this even qualifies as news. News, as I understand the meaning, are supposed to be reports on things that will affect change. Budget cuts are news. Cases that establish legal precedents are news. I don’t really know how my governor’s weight matters to anyone other than himself and his family.

 

i jus has regular burgerz nao! :)

Gov. Christie reportedly works out thrice a week. He is also making healthier food decisions. Cute, but I think the information is obvious and completely irrelevant to my life. Thanks for wasting my time.

This is why I don’t like watching television.

How kinky!

Ever read 18th century literature? Have you, like me, ever felt like their language is just waaay over your head?

We were doing a close reading of the preface to Mercy Otis Warren’s The Rise, Progress, and Termination of the American Revolution when suddenly, a phrase! More

New Job Description

I’ve never been one for resolutions but this year I think I will make it a point to tell people to stop wasting my time. Politely, of course. It seems that I can’t be nice to people without them getting the wrong idea, like giving me unsolicited advice on my career.

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