LDR Irk#2

Remember that post I had a few months ago about long distance relationships? Well, I feel like I’m ready to add to that today.

This Friday, Doctor Flash leaves for year II of med school. By my count, this is the third time he’s leaving for an extended period of time but I feel now as I did when I first found out he was going to be attending med school out of the country.

If your boyfriend was leaving, you'd be pouty too.

It’s no fun, this separation anxiety, and it makes me feel like the child above.

Around this time last year, I remember talking to one of my girl friends who is actually married to someone in another country and whom she only sees for about a month each year. She must have given me bucketloads of advice (I was so miserable, everyone wanted to give me bucketloads of advice just to get me to stop being miserable) but only one thing she said really stuck with me. It’s not even advice; it is more a statement of fact.

Thank you, Nilsa, for not even trying to conceal the truth from me. You are such an excellent friend.

Goodbyes don’t get any easier. Expect to cry. Expect to feel helpless. That’s just how it is.

I don’t mean to suggest that separation should be a celebratory moment. That’s not a relationship, that’s pure evil. I guess I just thought that after months without seeing each other, I would be okay with his leaving again. But see, the fact that he came home for a month, and the fact that he came home to me, make the difference. After having lost and regained, how can I have a positive attitude about losing him again?

So here I am, with the exact same feelings I had a year ago when he first left. The worst of them is abandonment, and not even the sweetest, most divine chocolate can help with that feeling. I guess that’s why children cry when their parents try to leave them in, say, day care. They don’t understand why they have to be separated and only care about the fact that they don’t want to be separated. I’m no child, so I understand why Doctor Flash and I have to be separated and I am not going to cry.

Or maybe I will. Just a little.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Caitlin
    Jun 24, 2011 @ 12:45:38

    It’s true; there’s no getting used to goodbye. I wanna cry every time Chris goes home after a date, knowing that I won’t see him for another week. :(


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